Take It To The Lord

As I started my morning a bit stressed and not looking forward to the day, I had an extremely negative attitude. Only thinking about myself and what I wanted. Then, for devotions I read these words below. Realizing I had "needless pain" and didn't reach out for the peace that was there...I had to give my weak and tired self to the Lord. The most simple, yet sometimes hardest thing to grasp-is to give it all to the Lord. 

What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

Oh, what peace we often forfeit
Oh, what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus He knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Are we weak and heavy laden
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior still our refuge
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee
Take it to the Lord in prayer
In His arms He'll take and shield thee

Thou will find a solace there

Thou will find a solace there
Thou will find a solace there

Class of 2014

The past few weeks I've seen a number of open house invitations and talked with those in the 2014 Graduating Class. I am so very proud of these students as I've seen them grow from children into young adult teens. You may think "adult teen" isn't such a thing, but it is. I've seen a group of friends go through hurt and loss that has brought them together and helped them gain a confidence in themselves and in their faith.

Seeing all these graduating friends of my brother has brought back so many feelings and emotions. Yes, of course I miss Jordan. Yes, I wish he was here and was graduating as well. But if he was here, this group may not be together. Their friendships may not be what they are today. Not saying it's all because of Jordan. But he has tied them all together for the past 9 years and has impacted their lives in a way we can't understand. I'm so thankful for all these friendships he had and that they have gotten to this point in their lives.

Different young men women come to mind when I think of the Class of 2014. I couldn't be more proud of them for making it through high school. Even with the difficult challenges they were faced, they made it. They had people who invested in their lives and they also took the time to develop a relationship with the Lord. I hope that this relationship with the Lord will continue to guide them as they step out from High School into a world full of unimaginable challenges and obstacles.

This group Class of 2014 will always be special to me. I love them all very much and I'm so glad that they have remained friends through their elementary and high school years. It's been so fun being a part of their lives. I hope the next chapter in their lives is just as exciting and full of surprises like this last chapter has been. 

This is my prayer today.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

As The Sun Sets

When I woke up and headed off to work this morning at 7am, I couldn't help but think at that moment 8 years ago I had said goodbye to my dad as I headed off to school. Later that day, after Brandon's football game I said goodbye again as I got in the car with my mom, and my dad and youngest brother, Jordan, got in another car. That day, September 20th, 2005, was a normal day up until the sun began to set, just moments after our goodbyes.

As they drove into the sunset that night they went to Heaven. It's the most bittersweet moment of my life that I have experienced to date. It just dawned on me today that maybe the reason I love sunsets so much is because those were the last moments they had on earth. As I have admired sunsets over the past 8 years they are different than they were. They mean more to me. It's more than just the sun disappearing over the horizon. It's a moment of silence and thanking God for the years I had with my family and thanking Him for his beautiful creation. It's a personal connection I share with my Savior.

I may have lost half my family. But I still have my mom and Brandon, and I've gained an awesome step-dad. I didn't lose everything. And in a sense I didn't lose my dad and Jordan either. Someday, I will see them again; and that will be a very glorious moment when we all re-unite in Heaven. 

Until then, I am thankful for all I have. My family means everything to me. God knows what he's doing with my life. And it's a wonderful feeling to let Him guide me knowing he's got everything under control. 

Letting Go

Over the past few years since my dad and brother died I have things I have held onto. I have memories I don't want to lose and certain things that I don't want to get rid of because it still makes me feel close to them. Some of these things are pictures, their own personal items, clothing, letters or things they made.

It will be eight years since their accident come September 20th. There are some memories in life that fade, and moments in time that you think you will remember forever; eventually those memories go away. But, the details of September 20th, and the few days that followed, seem to never fade. I have carried those moments with me and I will continue to as the days pass and years go on. I've learned that their death is no longer something to be sad about, and I don't want to be sad about it. I've come to and understanding about God that no matter what happens in my life, He has it under control and there is no circumstance that is going to do more harm than good if it is what God intends for me. Yes, I miss them sometimes, and yes I see their pictures everyday. But it's only a moment of wondering. It's just a "hmmm...". Because I've accepted the life that God has given me. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if God let them live. Because then I have to wonder what other circumstances in my life have also made a huge impact and changed my life. Their accident is just one of many many things that have happened in my life that made an impact. It just happens to be one that stands out more than others.

But back to these things I have that I don't want to let go. Our camper. We didn't take big trips around the world, stay in fancy hotels, or even go much farther than the surrounding states. We would go camping. Those are some very happy memories I have with my family: hiking on trails, bike riding, making all our meals over an open fire, playing in water falls, and then there's all the caves that my dad would take us to. At one point I felt like we had been dragged to all the caves in Indiana. I even vowed I'd never go into a cave again, however, now it's almost comforting and makes me happy to be in a place that my dad had so much curiosity and excitement for.

I would never trade any of my camping memories for anything else. I hope to someday make those same kinds of memories with my family. I was hoping I would be able to in the same camper that we had. But over the past few months we've been talking about selling our camper. It has made me sad to have to let go of something so important filled with so many happy times together. But I know that I will have my opportunity. I just have to let go of this so that I can make room for new things in my life. 

It's sad to let go but I know that God has awesome plans. And I can't stop God from letting great things happen to me just because I want to hold onto something from the past. You may think it's only a camper, you're right. I can always get a new camper, but the memories I hold with the camper are what I'll be keeping.

What If...

"What if" is always dangerous to ask. It's even hurtful and harmful to think about. Because we don't know what could have happened if we did one thing different, but in the end God's way will always win when we follow him...and "what if" doesn't exist with God BUT.....

What if His blessings come through raindrops,
What if His healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know He's near,
What if my greatest disappointments or the achings of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy,
And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights...are His mercies in disguise.

Sometimes "what if" just might be what we need to see that what we are going through is actually God in Disguise.

This song By Laura Story is my new favorite.

Guarding My Heart

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. -Proverbs 4:23

This verse has become the "theme" for my summer. My heart is rebuilding and gaining trust again. I need to guard it from all things impure and sinful, and also things that could be hurtful and overall hurtful. I'm not trying to walk on eggshells this summer but I am being extra careful not to get hurt. I am working on rebuilding my friendships and furthering friendships that were made on PacRim.

Yes, mistakes have been made in my past where I did not guard my heart. I had to learn and I have learned. Not saying mistakes wont be made in the future but I am working on being more careful now.

My PacRim trip helped me learn the power of prayer and the importance of talking with God throughout my entire day. I love that I have this new (well new in the past six months) outlook on prayer. I did not have this before and now I talk to God throughout my day about everything: thanking him for small things and large things, asking for help, and praying for random people I see while I'm out. I love this new part of my life.

I have experienced some prayers that get answered almost immediately and others God takes his time with and I know that what he does and how he uses my prayers are for his plan. My life is in God's hands and I trust he will lead me in the direction that is best for me.